Traditions Need to Die

The Silenced Fight

The sleepless nights

The hate inside I tried to hide

It was really meant for you, but it stayed within me

I was looking for release and held on too long

I had nowhere to put it

No one to talk to

When I talked about it, I was scrutinized

I was belittled and my deep internal pain diminished

Then my hate and pain only grow

They tell me to smile more

Smile about what?

What is there to smile for?

I’m just a whore, you called me

And those words were coming from a man who loved me in public, on paper and traditionally

Traditions need to die.

Your hate you can hide

You hid it all for me

When no one was looking you could unload your weapons all on me, so you don’t have to be angry anymore

I’m not only your whore but an anger holder, a trash bin for your harsh feelings you choose not to mend

I’m everything to you, yet treated the worst

Imagine where you would be if you didn’t have me

I was your safe space

Safe for you to abuse and shed your hate onto, without any of it hurting you

You safely unloaded your anger, rage and pent-up sexuality that you didn’t want to face, all onto me

I know my face reminds you you're not straight…

Straight on, looking you in the eyes…your anger for yourself you can no longer hide

So, you unload it all on me.

Until it grows again the next day, or the day you get fired

I’ll be here just as I signed on the dotted line I would be, your trash can to hold your anger

I signed up to shut the fuck up and love you and be your anger trash can

A woman is a perfect place to throw your anger onto,

She is only a woman, and no one will come to defend her.

You’re her only defender, so you know you can do whatever you want

And just like a boy, who gets tired with an old toy, you’re done with pretending to be nice to me

The honeymoon is over the day your stress was too much to contain in your damaged brain

It’s not your fault you yelled, you could have been hitting

It’s not your fault you were hitting, I could have been dead right now, you actually saved my life

What’s a bruise that will heal?

You could have killed me, yet you held back

A frown that will smile again with an “I’m sorry”

What’s a black eye compared to a bullet hole?

He’s actually doing me favors because he says he ‘loves me’

I’m only here to make him happy and if that’s holding space for his punches and rage, so be it to keep the kids thinking we are sane.

What’s a woman to do?

Where’s a girl to hide in her own home?

Where can I escape to, which attorney can I buy with breast milk?

That’s the same attorney that’s telling me domestic violence is always a lie

Sit down and just shut the fuck up.

You’re poor and a girl

I’m a full-grown woman, with the switch of my hips all boney and still thick, because I’m a woman who has sacrificed her life to bring life,

I’m a grown woman being beaten by a fully grown man.

Who would understand this insanity?

Who is brave enough to stand up to a full blown, enraged angry white man?

I’m insulted and arrested, children pulled from my breast

Innocent children, being taught only more anger, when all I taught was peace

Being married taught me there is no peace on earth.

The most beautiful moment of life, holding a baby, yet seeing the man who gave the baby to you bright red mad at the sight of a baby.

The way you can take life and turn it upside-down

It’s fucking disguising

You’re fucking disgusting.

No more silence

Fuck you and your anger, go read a book other than Steven King

You sick, obsessed with death because you yourself know you need to die

Yet you only have the strength to hold the gun to MY head

You’re too weak a person to turn it on yourself like you really want to

You probably want me to fight back and turn it on you so you don’t have to do any dirty work

You always pushed all the work back on me.

The work you couldn’t do like clean the seat, and cook the meat, wash the clothes and pick up the hose when you were out at the bar ‘working’

Your guilt might kill you, or just an apology could cure you?

No, don’t take accountability, leave all the work to me

The woman, the mother, the lover

Through fights, sleepless nights and lost dreams and silent screams

She will fix it and take on the work you will not do

Push the work onto her.

She’ll take care of even the emotional labor from you

I’ll take your anger for you and give you a place to disproportionately place it onto

I’ll give you the children you cannot give to yourself

Then when I’m done birthing and they are out of diapers and the hard work is done,

Toss me into the abyss, what good am I now?

What more do you need from a woman’s womb that doesn’t give birth anymore?

You can just lock the kids in their room.

You don’t need to know how to parent.

You can do it all on your own, within your moldy home, without me complaining the kids need more room and healthcare.

What do you need me for, I’m just an old washed-up whore

That was your special term for me, wasn’t it?

Place the labor back onto me

I’ll carry your labor for you, so you don’t have to.

You can call it all my fault and blame me for being a typical woman

There you don’t have to feel bad anymore

I’ll take all the bad feelings from you just like a good traditional wife will do

We make everyone feel better and don’t ask for a thing

You’ll be absolved from all labor or wrongdoing if you place it all on me

You’re not abusive when the woman is really to blame

Blame her for being a typical woman with enslaved rage, asking for acknowledgment, asking for healthcare and a little humanity

You actually saved her life, without you who knows where a stupid whore like her would be?

She didn’t beg for mercy and thanksgiving every day just for you sparing her life and not allowing her to die?

Traditions need to die.

This is the downfall

We didn’t respect all humans and animals soon enough

Old traditions need to die.

New love needs to grow, a new way to love and be loved.

New traditions need to start, or all women are going to die from abuse or die on the inside

What’s domestic about domestic abuse?