Shopping is the Only Thing That Makes Me Feel Alive

The promise of prosperity disguised in debt

But shopping is the only thing that makes me feel free

When I look outside, I see the un-housed and underfeed underneath the open 24 hours supermarket sign

Piles and piles of food only available in abundance to an elite few can afford everything they want

But the five in my pocket will not stop to end hunger

So instead, I am more inclined to spend it on me, hoping it will take away the emotional drain from seeing others hurting and hungry outside in the rain

My next purchase will make me feel free

I’ll buy something special just for me that I really don’t need

I hope it makes me feel better inside and feel that I can survive another day in this hellish, capitalistic landscape

In which we must buy, buy, buy in hopes of some escape, or maybe you can only afford a quick distraction from the combined misery

Misery hasn’t escaped anyone; money can’t buy peace of mind and billionaires can’t afford enough war

Shopping is the only thing that makes me feel alive inside

Looking at the world makes me feel dead

Dead in my soul to know there is so much suffering that I cannot control or even help

I’m dead inside so I don’t need to look away, I can just walk down the street and buy something as retreat

There was once a time I could not buy

And I was worthless, homeless, soulless and looked old

I could not afford more than one meal a day, and I had to hide away on someone’s couch ever day

I got a break one day and then said, I’m better than them on the street, I will never be like them again, lazy and crazy

My soul had to leave me when I had some money in my hand

I had to forget all the things I had seen, all the people who could use help

I had to only focus on me for survival

Survival of the richest in the jungle of the city

It’s not the streets that have no pity, the streets held me, it’s the humans who have no pity or humanity

Even the air will blow a tear from your cheek when you’re crying all alone

But no human will offer a hug

Lost your home and if you can’t afford your kids, America is here to sell them to a rich family,

And take all the profit from your labor.

You’re too poor to keep what God gave you

America will tell you, best we can do is pray for you.

I have money now, and it’s become my bars.

It’s become my soul.

My soul is a hole replaced with money.

If I need to feel I will buy something that matches the emotion I want to feel.

In place of real emotions, I’d rather buy something that makes me happy on the outside.

I see once I have bought it, it is just a happy distraction

So, I buy again, looking for a loyal friend

Because humans are the problem and capitalism won’t solve them

If I need to feel, or numb emotion I will always have something to buy to make me feel alive